What is God’s will for my life? If we are not asking that question right this moment we probably have or will be in the future. You know who else is asking this question? Your teenage son or daughter. If they are not asking it today the day will be right around the corner. Will I get married? What am I good at? What will I do for a living? Where should I go to school? Where do I fit in this world? These are all questions that are summarized in the classic question, what is God’s will for my life? My goal in this post is to begin to equip parents to walk their son or daughter through biblical decision making. Here are a few considerations:
Have Compassion
Psalm 103:13-14 As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. God has compassion on His Children because he understands their weaknesses and their limitations. He understands that His children face complexities, they have desires, wishes and hopes that they are trying to balance with practicalities and limitations. Which brings me to my next point...
Start With The Bible
God has communicated His will to His people: your sanctification (1 Thes. 4:3), giving thanks in all circumstances (1 Thes. 5:18), doing good and silencing evildoers (1 Peter 2:15). John Piper even details the importance for a believer to know how they have been called out of death and into life and union with Christ (1 Cor. 1:22-24). Of course, this isn’t the will of God that teens want to hear about, exactly. This is akin to them asking for a particular gift and their parents telling them they get gifts all the time like a roof over their heads and a three meals per day. When teens want to know the will of God for their lives they mean things like “will I get married?” and “what career path should I choose?” This is understandable. Yet, a disciple must begin with what the Bible clearly states and they must learn to take it seriously if they are going to honor God and find particular direction in their lives.
Let Them Make Their Decision
This depends some on how old your teen is and the potential for consequences. Generally speaking the younger your child is the more involvement you will have. This is where letting them make decisions in safe situations will be important practice for them (and you) when the stakes are higher. Parents won’t be helping to make a disciple if they are essentially making decisions in place of their teen. This will stunt any spiritual growth and keep them from embracing responsibility, trusting God, growing in wisdom and applying Scripture. When they are younger give them room to make decisions where the environment is more controlled and the consequences wont be as great. This will prove to be great training for them (and you) to make bigger decisions when they arise.
Remind Them Of God’s Love For Them
Making decisions that are hard to make will take on a completely new flavor when it is done in the conviction of God’s love for them. God loves His children in Christ and is always working for them (Psalm 37:5), who will never leave them or forsake them (Hebrews 13:5), who shows compassion for them (Psalm 103:13-14), who cares about their burdens (1 Peter 5:6), who counsels, teaches and instructs them (Psalm 32:8), and most importantly, who works all things together for good to those who love God (Romans 8:28). One of the great realities for parents and teens is that even if we make the wrong decision God will still work it for good. In a way, the love of God for His children makes it impossible to make the wrong decision. Teens face some life transforming decisions and they fear that a wrong answer will doom them for the rest of their lives. Truth be told, parents probably struggle with this too and are tempted to insert themselves too strongly. Parents can learn to trust in God’s steadfast love and model this trust in His love. Teens making big decisions need the confidence and security that God is for them.
The Goal Is Not The Goal
Why doesn’t God speak more directly to His children sometimes? For those walking with God for any length of time we can affirm how difficult, even maddening it can be when clarity is needed and there is none to be had. Why does honoring God and making the right decision have to be so difficult? I have wondered this in my past. David Platt is mighty helpful at this point when he says the following:
“His ultimate concern is not to get you or me from point A to point B along the quickest, easiest, smoothest, clearest route possible. Instead, his ultimate concern is that you and I would know him deeply as we trust him more completely”
So there it is, our highest goal is often times not God’s highest goal. For those who are a new creation in Christ their entire life is now “subsumed in His life and our wills totally surrendered to His will” (Platt). And parents must do well to remember that finding answers, moving from point A to point B is the goal that actually isn’t the goal. Our call is to make disciples which is all about transforming the will of the one following Christ so that they will surrender to Christ and say with the songwriter “Jesus, Jesus how I trust Him how I’ve proved him over and over.”
If you consider the classic story of Gideon you will see that he actually isn’t a model of mature faith. The reality is God had already given him the answer that he was seeking with his fleece ordeal. In Judges 6:14 and 6:16 God tells him what to do and promises that He will be with Gideon...but Gideon didn’t have the trust and maturity in God that he needed. God was gracious to Gideon but Gideon needed to learn to walk more closely with God, to take Him at His word and simply trust Him. Parents can help their kids develop the expectation that God will use difficult junctures in their lives to draw them closer to Himself. Parents can point out how God has led them through decisions they made in the past and how He demonstrated his faithfulness.
Consider Using This Five Part Guideline
This list of five criterion is adapted from something John Piper has built. If you want to find what he says you can put a Google search together and I am sure you can see for yourselves. For better or worse, here are some biblical categories to help you develop a process of biblical decision making.
Does Scripture Support it? 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. Gideon needed to take God at His Word, so do our sons and daughters. Building Bible consciousness into their thinking is the call of discipleship. If they are in Christ the Holy Spirit indwells them and gives them the resource they need to rightly apply God’s Holy truth to their situation.
Pray Earnestly. Notice this isn’t first on the list. While I have a high view of prayer the reason it isn’t first is because there are some things prayer isn’t necessary for. It is comical to think that a Christian would stop and pray for God’s will to be revealed in the proverbial case of the old lady being mugged across the street. The comedy is owing to the fact that there isn’t anything to be prayed about in terms of decision making. The person in this situation need not wonder what the will of God is in this situation, it has been clarified in His Word. The only action in this case is to do it. When is prayer needed and to what end is it appropriate? It is appropriate to develop deeper trust with God and to determine how God’s Word does rightly apply. 1 Peter 5:6 commands believers to cast their cares upon God and to acknowledge God in all their ways. Prayer is essential for tuning into God's Word and acting in the Spirit instead of the flesh.
Seek Counsel from believers who love you, know you, and are more mature than you. Parents are not called to make decisions for their son or daughter. However they can encourage and give opportunities for relationships in their lives to be formed that will help them to seek godly counsel from others who know them and love them.
Discern Whether or Not it Shows Love for God and Neighbor? Sometimes decisions need to be made between good things and better things and best things. This is where this Scripture and the call to discipleship is necessary. Part of discipleship is cultivating convictions that are Godward in nature. According to Matthew 22:37 the entire law and prophets are summarized in loving God and loving neighbor. Thus, God’s will can be detected in what is most loving to God and what is most loving and helpful to our neighbor. If this is the ballast from which convictions are formed then it will help decipher between what is good and better and best.
Discern the Difference between Holy Desires and Good Desires. This can get tricky in a hurry. There are essentially three categories of desires that may be possible here. 1. Holy desires. 2. Good desires. 3. Sinful desires. Sinful desires are that, sinful. Obviously, this isn’t God’s will. Good desires are desires that don’t violate Scripture and can be considered good like taking an affordable family vacation or purchasing a reliable car at a good price or getting to the game on time. These are all good desires that can and should guide our decision making. Holy desires are those desires that burn inside one’s soul, that cannot be extinguished and they are directly related to loving God and loving people. Holy desires may relate to a particular gifting or aptitude that an individual possesses. This should be recognized in community and fanned into flame (2 Timothy 1:7) through practice and affirmation. Holy desires should be something deeply satisfying and enjoyable to the individual. As they use this gift they should feel the joy of the Lord and the favor of God. Eric Liddel, the Olympic runner and missionary said, “God made me fast and when I run I feel his pleasure.” For Eric Liddel running was more than a hobby it was a mission through which a great testimony of the faithfulness of God was left. Parents can help their son/daughter detect their holy desires and they can be encouraged, in faith, to build their lives around them even if it isn't the most fiscally fruitful or most conventional to do so.
Wow, this has gotten long. I hope it is helpful for you as you begin to develop biblical categories for discerning the will of God for your life and the life of your son/daughter. May God richly bless your process and demonstrate His steadfast love to you.
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