Talking about sex with your kids can be intimidating and awkward. Yet, they are wondering about it whether you address it or not. And if they are wondering about it they are also finding answers to their questions one way or another. When we look at Proverbs chapters 1-9, for instance, we can see that the Bible envisions parents having very open, candid, detailed discussions about sex wth their young teens and that these discussions are a key part of discipleship. We should ask, if parents will not instill a biblical theology of sex and sexuality into their kids who will? The cultural consensus is happy to instill their worldview of sex into our kids but is this what we really want? That brings me to this blog post. Here are 15 ways that our kids will pick up wrong ideas about sex (and how to respond to them biblically). If you are not actively engaging your son or daughter and shaping in them a biblical worldview these are most likely the ideas they are picking up, like it or not. Use these talking points with your preteens/teens as in-roads to building biblical convictions into them.
Because of the length of this I will be offering three points at a time and spreading this out over several blogs.
It is Okay to have Sex Outside of Marriage: You might be surprised to learn that your kids may not even understand that it is sin to have sex outside of marriage. Have you ever told them this? I was shocked to find out from one of my own kids that they didn’t know it was sin to have sex outside of marriage. I realized that I had assumed they understood this. They didn’t really put it together that sex outside of marriage wasn’t a part of God’s design. More importantly, Christians do too good of a job pointing out sinful practices and therefore less kids grow up on top of any foundation articulating why sex is only appropriate in marriage. The lie our kids are being fed by the world (and maybe, inadvertently, by their church) is that God is in the business of putting the kibosh on fun and pleasure. Thus, to make disciples of Christ they must have healthy views of sex and sexuality. Discipleship requires that we teach teens that sex is like a fire, when it is contained to the fireplace it is life-giving and beautiful but when it spreads out it is destructive and a horrific sight. God had lots of joy in mind when he designed male and female but the only way to realize it in full is to honor his design, within the fireplace of marriage.
Sex is Dirty or Unholy: Many Christians would never say this but many enter marriage with the notion that sex is somehow dirty. This is probably owing to the fact that the church has remained silent about the goodness of sex and only spoken up when there is some type of stricture. In other words, kids hear about sex from the church when it is pointing out sexual immorality. The mistake of the church (and probably parents) is that the church has failed to consistently promote a positive view of sex in which God is the glorious designer. If you are parenting a teen or preteen these days chances are you were raised by someone that didn’t talk about sex with you. You must break this cycle. Do you remember being a teenager and how frequently you wondered about these types of things? What lesson is being taught when the thing you are most curious about is the thing you hear least about? And if you do hear anything it is typically negative. Is it any wonder even Christians come to the conclusion, sex is dirty?
Christians/Religious People are Anti-sex: Why would anyone get this idea…I mean Christians are always speaking out against racy movies and immodest clothing and sex before marriage and pornography. That was sarcastic, by the way. And I mean no slam to Christianity that takes a stand against things that it should. However, this point is probably most closely related to the previous misconception that sex is dirty. For the same reasons, Christians marry and wonder if sex is a sinful thing. All of this on top of the outdated conviction to wait until marriage leads those outside the faith to conclude that Christians are anti-sex. Making disciples means they understand that whenever a Christian is against something it is because they are for another. Teach your kids that you are anti-pornography because you are pro-sexual pleasure. The lie of pornography is that it is absolutely brimming with pleasure. The truth is that lasting pleasure can only be discovered in God’s design. Parents, never assume that because your kids know what you are against that they know what you are for. Don't also assume that because you told them once that you told them ten times. They need to hear it almost as frequently as they think about it. So make sure they know what you are for, more importantly, what God is for. Find appropriate ways to display your affection of your wife/husband so that your kids can witness it. When you make yourself look attractive it says something to your kids about the joys of being married. When you are at the dinner table, men, praise your wife and her beauty. Your kids will act like they are grossed out but it gives them security and hope that they can find that type of joy for themselves one day. Tell them something like this: "son, your mom is a beautiful, godly woman who is a great blessing to me. I pray often that you will one day find a lovely woman to marry who is like her."
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