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Becoming A "Salesman" For Wisdom, By Pastor Kevin Feder

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I would like to interact a little bit with Paul Tripp's book, The Age of Opportunity which is chalk full of parenting insight, particularly as it relates to parenting teens. Parenting is not for wimps, as James Dobson says. If you are a parent of a teen you have at least 12 years of experience under your belt, yet, you are still a beginner. Every parent is, in a sense, a beginner at every stage of their parenting. Unfortunately our children are not frozen in time like the Simpsons...they actually move out of the fifth grade and onto other challenges. Thus, parents are faced with new challenges because their kids are as well. Much grace is needed, including God's Spirit working through his Word. 

Front Row Seats
Teens need wisdom too. In fact, the Bible addresses youthful tendencies, particularly in the book of Proverbs. Study the first nine chapters of Proverbs for a front row seat to parenting teens. You will see a lot. Interestingly, the father beckons his son to wisdom over 20 times. This seems to imply something about what a teens greatest need is and what a parents top priority ought to be: to give and to get wisdom. 

Getting The Roles Right - You And Your Child
Thus, parents play the role of giving wisdom and teens play the role of getting wisdom. Perhaps this is upside down...after all, if you are a parent reading this it is probably because you sense your need to get wisdom for yourself. Truth. This doesn't change the structure of your relationship with your son or daughter. Like it or not, you are in their life, by God's will, to act as the most significant fountain of wisdom they will draw from. And judging from the title, the most effective way to transmit wisdom to your teen is to sell it rather than force it. 

Consider James 1:19-20 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Getting The Roles Right - You And Your God
The concept here lends itself well to our discussion. Ultimately God grants wisdom and it comes from his righteousness. It is a relief and an insight to come to grips with the fact that you simply don't have the power to produce wisdom in your children. Only God does. This allows you the freedom to be much more winsome and patient, much more thoughtful and gently in your parenting approach.

Here is a quote from Paul Tripp: "Win your children for wisdom. Be a salesman for it. You don't do this with nasty, inflammatory confrontations and ugly verbal power struggles. No wisdom is imparted in these moments. If you hit your kids with a barrage of verbal bullets, they will either run for the bunker or come out firing themselves. Here is a good rule: Deal with yourself before you deal with your teenager (Matt. 7:3-5)."

Deal With Yourself First
This is really a great reminder to parents and speaks to how life-altering a few moments of prayer and reflection can really be in your home. The cumulative effects over years of time can become incalculable. Tripp goes on to say this:

"I need to take time and prepare myself by considering the issues at hand biblically, discussing them with my wife, and praying for my child and for myself. By the time I have done all of this, I am in a completely different frame of mind and therefore more prepared to function as God's instrument of change...after preparing yourself, talk with your teen in the right place at the right time. Get away into a quit room in the house, preferably the teen's room where he/she is comfortable. Don't squeeze these important wisdom or corrective times into busy moments; don't do this on the fly. Don't conduct them in from of other people, or introduce them as you are running out to the car on the way to school or church."

Examine Yourself
Interestingly, the effect of "squeezing" these important parenting episodes into inopportune times cheapens, not beautifies the content of our message. Tripp reminds us that "giving wisdom is not hitting your teenager over the head with words. It is putting a lovely garland around his neck. It's giving him the world's most valuable jewels. It is gold from God's pocket to his hands." 

This will go a long way to beautify wisdom as it really is, rather than robbing it of it's glory and value when it is presented in your sin. 

It is good that parents examine the ways biblical wisdom and God's truth is being communicated in their home. Ask your spouse and ask others who observe you for honest feedback. Wisdom belongs to God, but he has entrusted you to pass it onto your kids. Sell it for its beauty and worth.

With hope in Christ,
Pastor Kevin


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