The book of Proverbs is simply a doozy of a book in the Bible. Dripping with wisdom like a honeycomb drips honey. What wonderful instruction to guide the people of God through a dark room of this world filled with potholes and pitfalls, with sharp edges and shards of debris that has all the potential to gash upon bumping into. Praise the Lord for his wisdom, which is, simply put, skill in living. God is the author of life and the designer of this world, fearing him is mandatory for developing the skill of living well within this world.
The book of Proverbs is premised on its first nine chapters. Upon careful consideration you will notice a significant structural difference between these chapters and the ones that follow. In the first nine we clearly see a relationship between a father and son (more generally, parent and child). Over 20 times within the front nine do we hear dialogue tee off to the tune of "My son."
There are gobs and gobs of implications implicit in this simple beckoning. We see the father who is engaged with his son. We see the father love his son. We see the father who earnestly desires to pass on the skill of living to his son. We see the father shepherding his son by assuming his son needs loads of guidance. We see the father understand that his son would fall into the snares of his own sinful heart if not for careful and consistent counsel. We see the father use the tactic of compelling his son to wisdom rather than forcing his son into it. We see the father respect the individuality of his son, knowing that he would have to choose wisdom of his own volition.
In short, we see a father discipling his son.
We see a wonderful paradigm of what it looks like for a parent to disciple their children. Parenting is a constant effort of discipleship of their kids that takes place in every nook and cranny of life, applying God's word to their life and compelling them to surrender their lives to the almighty God by looking to him for guidance.
Parents And God Team Up In Parenting, Discipleship
The last thing I want to do is blaspheme God's holy name for the sake of a catchy title. Yet, upon meditating on Proverbs 2 it dawned on me that parenting is a partnership...with God. What a privilege. What a responsibility! Here is how I see it.
In verse one we see the father compels his son to "receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you."
By verse six we learn that "the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; he stores up wisdom for the upright..."
So which is it? Who should the child listen to? Is it the father or to God? Why does the father compel his son to listen to him when wisdom comes from God? Why doesn't he say, son, listen to God!?
The answer is that in listening to the parent the child is listening to God. This implies that the parent is walking so closely with God that mother or father is a channel to God. Think of it like this:
Parent (giver of wisdom) ==> Child (gains wisdom)
But there is another step. Here:
God (giver of wisdom) ==> Parent (gains and gives wisdom) ==> Child (also gains wisdom)
The strong assumption in Proverbs is that, at the heart of parenting, is the profound alignment of a parent with God himself. What is implied in the Proverbs is that the father himself has been shaped and formed and molded by the wisdom of God to the point that he is merely passing on what he has gained. The relationship between parent and child is a microcosm that delivers the entire earth into the relationship with God who is a father to his children. Eventually, every earthly parent wants their children to graduate to see that the real relationship they are designed for is the one with their God, their heavenly father.
Five Concluding Thoughts
First, parenting isn't exactly pragmatic. It isn't easily reduced to a seven step plan or even better, a four step plan. It is the acquisition of wisdom through knowing God as a parent, the developing of skill that one hones through failures and mistakes and breakthroughs and time.
Second, parenting is conviction and it is ultimately compelling. A parent who stands to be the mouthpiece for pursuing God's wisdom has come to the place of conviction for themselves that wisdom truly does come from God and that it is inherently superior to the wisdom of the world. It is on the basis of this conviction that parents seek to compel their children to the same ends.
Third, the compelling parent follows instead of forces. Parents must understand that their child is created in the image of God and that this means they must respond to God on their own. The disciple-making parent must rely on demonstrating wisdom at work in their own life as they themselves follow God. In other words, Christian parents need to prioritize their own pursuit and application of God’s wisdom as a model to their children than they tend to prioritize practical parenting practices aimed at producing a certain outcome in their children.
Fourth, parenting is painting. We see parents in Proverbs paint a picture for their children about what it will look like to take two very different paths. One is vibrant in color and bursting with life. The other is dull and dark, depressing, dangerous and deathly. Nevertheless, the decision is left for the child to make. The nature of wisdom, and this is affirmed in the approach of the parent, is that God's wisdom is something beautiful and appealing on its own. It isn't something that can be force-fed but something that must be desired and gladly pursued with a willing heart. Consider the contrast below in Proverbs 2:16-22.
you will be delivered from the forbidden woman,
from the adulteress with her smooth words,
who forsakes the companion of her youth
and forgets the covenant of her God;
for her house sinks down to death,
and her paths to the departed;
none who go to her come back,
nor do they regain the paths of life.
So you will walk in the way of the good
and keep to the paths of the righteous.
For the upright will inhabit the land,
and those with integrity will remain in it,
but the wicked will be cut off from the land,
and the treacherous will be rooted out of it.
Fifth, Godly parenting is desperate parenting. Yes, the parent that we see in Proverbs leaves the decision for his son to make, this doesn't mean the father we see isn't desperate. Consider some 23 times the father is practically begging his son to give ear or attention or consideration to what he is trying to communicate to him. Just take a look at the the pictures he paints and you will notice he goes through great lengths to paint death as darkly as he can and life as appealing as possible. The disciple-making parent is a parent who is always humanizing their child by appealing to every part of their being (intellect, emotions, desires, conscience, physical being) in hopes that they will see the beauty of God and their need for gaining his wisdom. There is desperation in discipleship and parenting presents the pinnacle of this desperation.
Hope In The Gospel
I don't want to bring Jesus into this superficially but perhaps we can conclude by pointing out that Jesus is the son who gives heed to his father's instruction. In Jesus we see that the God-man who heeded the counsel of his father received all the blessing of eternal life in the presence of his father. Along the way Jesus went to the cross where he suffered the separation from the father he always listened to. Jesus did give ear to his counsel, he did hear his father’s instruction. Yet he was forsaken by this same father. On the cross Jesus found himself inside of the dark picture that was painted for everyone who refuses the wisdom of God. Yet it was on the same cross where Jesus offers forgiveness to everyone who rejects God's wisdom so that there is an escape to the claws of death. In other words, Jesus is the model and manifestation of wisdom as well as the redeemer of those who reject it. It isn’t possible to get more convicting or compelling than that.
May parents and children alike find great hope in Christ.
May we see that the gospel of Christ is the beginning and end of godly wisdom,
Pastor Kevin
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