This week we take a break from COVID 19 issues to discuss something completely unrelated. Biblical submission in marriage. To be more specific, I would like to present seven clarifications related to biblical submission in marriage. This past Wednesday night our students at GCF studied studied Ephesians 5:22-33 and of course, submission came up. Thus, this is on the top of the mind and that's why it is the subject (no pun intended) of our discussion today.
It almost seems that the church both makes too big a deal of marriage and not a big enough deal of marriage at the same time. Marriage in itself isn't eternally important. What is eternally important is the fact that it points to Christ and his church. This is an eternal reality. Submission finds its importance as it functions to resemble Jesus and his church. This is the mystery Paul talks about in Ephesians 5:31-32 and it is now revealed to us in Christ. This must be the starting place if the church is going to succeed in understanding any role whatsoever in marriage.
At first glance submission evokes negatives. It smacks of subservience, downtrodden, oppression, even abuse. In fact, the young ladies of GCF tended to describe their understanding of submission is similar fashion. It dawned on me that while GCF holds to a complimentarian view of gender roles and understands it to be wonderful in it's design we shouldn't assume our kids know what it means without instructing them.
Here are seven clarifications on what biblical submission is::
First: Submission is not the result of the fall of mankind. Paul connects Genesis 2:18-24 with Ephesians 5:22-33 and in creation we see that Eve was created to play a helping role to Adam. The larger implication here is that neither male headship nor female helpership is the result of the fall but part of God's good design in creation.
Second: Submission is empowered by the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 5:18). What this means is that only Christians who are children of God and filled with the Spirit can truly fulfill the call to submit. Godly submission that honors Christ and displays the Gospel is the result of the indwelling Spirit of God in a believing woman. Submission is God's idea.
Third: Submission is something both women and men are called to. All Christians are called to submit in various ways. It is really inaccurate to say that only wives have to submit to husbands. In Ephesians 5:21 Paul calls all believers to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. In fact, Jesus himself submitted to God the Father when he fulfilled his mission upon the earth. Submission amongst believers in Christ is one of the ways the Spirit of Christ shapes their life together.
Fourth: Every woman is not called to submit to every man. The submission the Bible talks about is the unique role women play in marriage. In other words, women are not called by God to submit to men, wives are called to submit to their own husbands.
Fifth: Biblical submission that wives are called to in marriage is an act of faith as a responsibility of the woman. This means that submission is never treated as a right that husbands have and a husband never has the right to demand that his wife submits to him. Instead, submission is a voluntary choice that a wife must work out in her personal relationship with Christ.
Sixth: Submission does not mean that a wife has no right to speak her mind. Being submissive doesn’t mean that a godly wife cannot share disagreements and it certainly does not mean that she must disobey God or her conscience in order to obey her husband. “Submission is an attitude of the heart and a Godly woman can have a submissive spirit even when she is saying “no” and refusing to go along with sin.”
Seventh: Submission does not mean getting abused. Calling wives to submission does not invite husbands to dominate them. In the same passage that calls wives to submit to their husbands, husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially, which is the opposite of abuse, domination, and manipulation.
The Beauty of the Gospel
Peter calls wives to be subject to their husbands for the sake of evangelism: "so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct" (1 Peter 3:1). Peter draws attention to the inner person where true beauty and true power are sourced.
"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:3-5
God sees the inner person of the heart and values this greatly. The same God who infinitely values his Son is the same God who places great value upon a woman who hopes in God and displays the gospel to the world. The NT tells us women have a unique power to display the gospel in their femininity and when this happens, God is pleased to use it as a force of conversion.
The Roman Context
In Rome where women were second class citizens Peter both affirms and subverts the social order. He affirms the order by calling for headship and submission, which would have been well received. What would have not been well received is the fact that Peter was talking to women at all. As second-class citizens, women were not even dignified by being included. Thus, Christianity already contrasts greatly from its pagan surroundings in the way it greatly values women on par with men.
Peter not only talks to women but dignifies them by saying Christ died for you, Christ forgave you, Jesus lives inside of you and if you find your God-given role within marriage your beauty will have the power and influence to convert your husband. This should not be lost on us. In Roman culture the order of the state was connected by the order of the home and women conformed to the religion of their husbands. So when Peter addresses women and highlights their power to convert their husbands simply by their conduct the Romans would have seen this as a threat to upsetting the entire social order.
Even though it wasn't Peter’s goal to upset the entire social order we should stand amazed at the power a submissive women really has. The beauty of the gospel is reflected in the inner beauty of a woman who hopes in God and this is power enough to upend the juggernaut Roman empire.
How Wives Get Served Through Submission
Going back to Ephesians we see so clearly how wives become the biggest winners through their role of submission. Not that wives begin with the motive to be served, this is the outcome when it works as God designs. We are not just debunking the notion that submission is abuse. That doesn't even come close to capturing the wonder of God's wisdom for both husbands and wives. Not even by a long shot!
Let me explain. When a wife in marriage fulfills her calling to Christ to submit to her husband it is designed to have a bolstering effect on him. In other words, a biblically beautiful, submissive wife bolsters the masculinity of the husband, which is defined by God as loving his wife as Christ did and laying his life down for her in sacrificial service. Do you see this? In other words, when we water a fruit tree and give it plenty of sunlight we don't think of the tree as oppressing us and manipulating us. Rather, we do it happily thinking of the delicious fruits that it will serve us with. Submission more or less works in similar fashion. A wife who submits to her husband waters his masculinity and gives his masculinity plenty of sunlight so that his masculinity will grow into a healthy tree bearing the fruits of sacrifice, service, and protection. Thus, it isn't enough to simply say submission doesn't give the right to abuse. Instead, submission as God designed it paves the way to be served sacrificially.
I should remind us that a woman's motivation for submitting to her husband is reverence for Christ. Yet, there are some great perks when the operation is honored and functions as it should. We should understand what biblical submission is and marvel at the beauty of God's design in it. May our young gals and guys be filled with a biblical vision of what the Bible truly teaches.
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