Grace: The Forgotten Ingredient In Fighting Sexual Sin by Pastor Kevin

Heath Lambert wrote a book called Finally Free and in it he talks about the power of grace in the first chapter. In it Lambert warns believers not just to think of grace as a concept but as power from God.

John 20:31 says these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.

Notice that belief in Jesus is both a one time salvation moment as well as ongoing belief that marks growth in Christ. In other words, the believer in Christ is called no only to believe in Jesus but to keep believing in him.

This is no different when fighting against sexual sin and pornography. As gripping as it is the pathway out of the pit is still paved with simple belief in the gospel. So this begs the question, how am I failing to believe the gospel in my struggle against sin and what does belief look like instead? 

What it Looks Like to Fail to Believe in the Gospel

In short, when someone is more captured by their sin than the good news of the gospel they are failing to believe in the gospel. Lambert refers to this as "mental punishment." What is a mental punishment, you might ask? 

For instance, "I’m terrible. I’m awful. What was I thinking? If my friends knew what I was doing, they would never talk to me again. I can never be in ministry if I don’t quit doing this. What if my spouse finds out? What if my girlfriend finds out? What if my parents find out? What if my pastor finds out? What if people at church find out? I don’t deserve to be a Christian. Maybe I’m not a Christian..."

As despicable as pornography is meditating on how bad pornography is and how bad you are for looking at it is a rejection of grace available to us in the gospel. This is why starting with grace might be so helpful, especially for reformed believers who like to make a big deal of their sin. While it is good to make a big deal of our sin it is crucially important not let it keep us from making a bigger deal of Jesus and his grace. Consider this quote from Lambert:

"Mental punishments are not helpful because they deal with sin in a self-centered way instead of a Christ-centered way. Meditating on how miserable and pathetic you are only perpetuates the sinful self-centeredness that led you to look at pornography in the first place. Condemning self-talk still has you standing center stage as you reflect on what you think about what you have done, and as you describe what you think you deserve because of what you did. It’s all about you. The problem is there is too much you in all this. You need Christ. And the only way to break the vicious cycle is to get outside of yourself to Jesus. You need to stop talking to yourself in categories of condemnation and begin talking to God in categories of confession."

What it Looks Like to Believe in the Gospel

The question is how a believer in Christ takes the grace of God and translates it into power to fight against sin. Here are three steps outlined by Lambert in the acronym CAR:

Confess your Sins: Belief in the gospel and applying grace lead you to confess sins to God and others.

Affirm God's Forgiveness of You: The fight of faith requires believers to fight to affirm what God says about you (forgiven, loved, etc.). The reality for those in Christ is that they stand forgiven in Christ no matter how much they sin or fail. Even though there is a time to consider the evil of sin it is crucial that believers don't go on in condemnation but in the realization they are forgiven.

Request God's Grace to Change You: There is a difference between thinking about prayer and actually talking to God and asking him for power to change.

These are some practical steps that someone can take to actively believe in the gospel. Many believers mistake thinking about the gospel from actively believing it. Without even realizing it many Christians are more so walking in the reality of condemnation from their own mental punishments than they are waling in the reality of being forgiven as a beloved child of God.

Let me leave you with one last quote of hope from Heath Lambert: "you are never in a pit so deep that the grace of Jesus cannot lift you out. The great danger in your struggle is that you will devote all of your energy to thinking true and awful things about pornography and spend no time dwelling on the true and wonderful things about Jesus. There is no porn user so enslaved that Jesus cannot set him or her free. There is no struggle for purity so intense that Jesus’ grace cannot win the battle. There is no consequence so steep that Jesus’ power cannot carry you through. Jesus’ grace to change you is stronger than pornography’s power to destroy you. Jesus’ grace is stronger than your own desires to watch sex. While there is no hope for you in looking at pornography, there is all the hope in the universe when you look to God and his grace."

I understand that most Christians will say they believe in the gospel. I am inviting you to examine your heart and ask yourself whether or not you are truly believing in the Gospel, particularly in your fight against pornography. And if you have fought and lost and fought and lost, perhaps another activity of God's grace is to reach out to other believers and allow them to share the burden with you. If you have more failure than success in fighting this sin it may be an indication you are in deeper than you care to admit. Help is available.

For Your Joy In Christ,
Pastor Kevin