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Five Things To Avoid Saying In Order To Love People Through Suffering

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Five Things To Avoid Saying In Order To Love People Through Suffering
By Pastor Kevin
This past week my family and I went to Family Camp at Pine Haven Christian Assembly near Park Rapids, MN. It was a wonderful time of fellowship that I hope families from GCF will be able to enjoy in the future.
The morning adult class featured a video teaching on suffering. This post is something that was inspired by my last week and not any particular situation. With that being said, it seems that well intending Christians who don’t quite know what to say to console someone in the shock of tragedy could use some basic training. Here are five things not to say in an attempt to love someone when they have suddenly encountered “various trials”:

1.     Do not quote Romans 8:28 and tell them that God has a purpose. Stay away from quoting any other common passage that every believer already knows, including but not limited to James 1:2-4; Romans 5:1-5; and Hebrews 12:11. Simply listening and being there is sufficient.
2.     Do not try to make sense of the suffering for the sufferer. Either the person knows what Scripture has generally told them about suffering or your attempt to personalize may be incorrect. You don’t know the mind of God and revealing “why” isn’t even God’s top priority.
3.     Do not relate their experience to a personal experience that you consider to be similar. Most likely, you do not understand the unique challenge of their trial, which means drawing a connection to your trial is very unlikely and the attempt will seem trite. Again, listening is best.
4.     Do not tell them: “if you need anything, call me.” This is well intentioned but the sufferer will not be calling you. They do not need one more thing to manage. Pray for them, understand their trial and take initiative on what God places upon your heart to do.
5.     Do not try to soften the blow through your rationale. On one occasion, a man who lost his six year old son to cancer was consoled with this line of reasoning: “well, drugs and alcohol are out of control these days…at least your son will be spared from all of that.” Ouch.

Christians mean well, but loving each other takes wisdom and learning. May believers in Christ be skilled in loving people who are suffering, for their good and God’s glory.

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