Five
Things To Avoid Saying In Order To Love People Through Suffering
By Pastor Kevin
This past week my family and I went to
Family Camp at Pine Haven Christian Assembly near Park Rapids, MN. It was a
wonderful time of fellowship that I hope families from GCF will be able to
enjoy in the future.
The morning adult class featured a video
teaching on suffering. This post is something that was inspired by my last week
and not any particular situation. With that being said, it seems that well
intending Christians who don’t quite know what to say to console someone in the
shock of tragedy could use some basic training. Here are five things not to say in an attempt to love
someone when they have suddenly encountered “various trials”:
1.
Do not quote Romans 8:28 and tell them that
God has a purpose. Stay away from quoting any other common passage that every
believer already knows, including but not limited to James 1:2-4; Romans 5:1-5;
and Hebrews 12:11. Simply listening and being there is sufficient.
2.
Do not try to make sense of the suffering
for the sufferer. Either the person knows what Scripture has generally told
them about suffering or your attempt to personalize may be incorrect. You don’t
know the mind of God and revealing “why” isn’t even God’s top priority.
3.
Do not relate their experience to a personal
experience that you consider to be similar. Most likely, you do not understand
the unique challenge of their trial, which means drawing a connection to your
trial is very unlikely and the attempt will seem trite. Again, listening is
best.
4.
Do not tell them: “if you need anything,
call me.” This is well intentioned but the sufferer will not be calling you.
They do not need one more thing to manage. Pray for them, understand their
trial and take initiative on what God places upon your heart to do.
5.
Do not try to soften the blow through your
rationale. On one occasion, a man who lost his six year old son to cancer was
consoled with this line of reasoning: “well, drugs and alcohol are out of
control these days…at least your son will be spared from all of that.” Ouch.
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