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Parenting out of the Gospel, Part 4

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Obedience versus Righteousness…there is a difference!

Parents are instructed to train their children to be obedient, yet, it is impossible to be pleasing to God without being born again. 

Elyse Fitzpatrick outlines the various spheres of obedience which parents are to train their children to be obedient within. There is initial obedience (understanding the command “no”), social obedience (laws particular to our culture), civic obedience (laws of the land), religious obedience (practices of the faith). Most interesting and most controversial is religious obedience, particularly because it has to do with the matters of a transformed heart. For instance, we teach our children to pray before a meal. If they do so, is it because they are born again and love Jesus? Maybe, but it could just be because it is what they were taught to do and that is all they know.  

The title points out that there is a difference between obedience that pleases us and righteousness that pleases God. As Christian parents, we desire to lead our children to genuine righteousness that results from faith in Jesus. However, we often are willing to settle for external obedience because, put simply, it makes life a whole lot easier for us

In Mark 2:15-17 we see Jesus interacting with tax collectors and Pharisees. The Pharisees were religious people who prided themselves on their obedience to the law of God. Interestingly, Jesus made it clear that they were of all people most offensive and furthest away from God. Why? It was because they expected God to be pleased with their obedience while rejecting the righteousness of Christ.

On the other hand, Jesus went to the tax collector’s home and even dined with them! This made the Pharisees irate yet Jesus spent time with them. Why? It was because they would not have a hard time admitting their sin and their need for a righteousness not of their own. Their obedience bubble had already burst on them and they were good candidates for a message of grace.

As parents, some of our children are Pharisees and some are tax collectors. The reality is, Pharisees make good children because they make life a whole lot smoother for us. They listen, they obey, they like to please people and be in good standing with them at all times. Tax collector children are rascals, always pushing the limits and it is not unusual for them to be at odds with one or multiple people at the same time. Tax collector children are definitely more difficult and they can make life harder than it should be.

So, which of your children is the Pharisee and which is the tax collector? More to the point, which child do you prefer having, the Pharisee or the tax collector? Do you try to make your tax collectors into Pharisees so life will be easier? Do you get inappropriately pleased and hopeful with your Pharisee and inappropriately discouraged and hopeless with your tax collector?  If Jesus is the perfect parent do you share his heart to blast the self-righteousness in the Pharisee while embracing the opportunity in the tax collector? As a parent, are you really after repentance and re-birth or are you satisfied with attainable obedience that makes life easier? 

Jesus rejected the notion that some people are “good” and some are “bad.” In his view all are bad and only God is good (Mark 10:18). As Christian parents we have to use the biblical standard to measure our children and not the worldly standard. All of our children, whether a Pharisee or a tax collector, has only one hope and one platform to be pleasing to God: faith in Christ and in his righteousness alone. May God give us grace to be less tolerant with our Pharisees and more hopeful with our tax collectors.

"For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God." 1 Peter 3:18

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