Talking about sex with your kids can be intimidating and awkward. Yet, they are wondering about it whether you address it or not. And if they are wondering about it they are also finding answers to their questions one way or another. When we look at Proverbs chapters 1-9, for instance, we can see that the Bible envisions parents having very open, candid, detailed discussions about sex wth their young teens and that these discussions are a key part of discipleship. We should ask, if parents will not instill a biblical theology of sex and sexuality into their kids who will? The cultural consensus is happy to instill their worldview of sex into our kids but is this what we really want? That brings me to this blog post. Here are 15 ways that our kids will pick up wrong ideas about sex (and how to respond to them biblically). If you are not actively engaging your son or daughter and shaping in them a biblical worldview these are most likely the ideas they are picking up, like it or not. Use these talking points with your preteens/teens as in-roads to building biblical convictions into them.
Premarital Sex Is Necessary To Determine Compatibility:
Here is a tip that a wise man once shared with a couple preparing for marriage: “your are a man and you are a woman, you’re sexually compatible!” The point here is that compatibility is learned and achieved as part and parcel of the larger call to loving your spouse. This myth of compatibility assumes that sex has more to do with “chemistry” and "sparks flying" than it has to do with covenant, expressing friendship, and experiencing the delights of deep and sacred intimacy in the presence of God. God's design and his command are never at odds. Any man and woman who commits themselves to each other in the covenant of marriage can learn to become compatible, even if they are a little clunky in the beginning. And let's face it, if all couple's based their long term success on their first few encounters most would have to terminate their relationships.
Virginity Is Shameful And Damaging:
The popular belief today holds that having sex is a part of normal, healthy humanity and that any restraints on it is damaging, even detrimental to the individual and society as a whole. Movies have made fun of this as well. The 40 year old virgin is a comedy, mind you. If it were made for the first time today it would be a horror movie. In other words, we live in a culture that goes beyond disagreeing with the Christian view of abstinence prior to marriage. The common worldview of today says pleasure and self-fulfillment are the highest virtues a human can achieve and therefore sees the call to wait until marriage as a threat to human well-being in addition to something one should be embarrassed about. This is much more than an incorrect view, it is a full on assault on Jesus, a single and celibate man who teaches us that the krux of life is something more profound, namely, knowing God the Father and doing his will (John 10:10). Single people have something extremely valuable to teach us and it is this, our eternal identity will be single and celibate. So yes, it is possible to live a fulfilled life without experiencing sex. The essential relationship necessary for human flourishing is that with the almighty God, whom we can have peace with through the redemption found in Christ.
Sex Is Only Physical, Not Spiritual Or Moral:
This view is popularized by entertainment. Sex is viewed as a physical exercise, just like eating a sandwich is merely a physical exercise. There isn’t much more too it, really. Hungry? Eat a sandwich. Sexually hungry? Find a partner. The reality is that this isn't a step towards human progress. It is the opposite of progress. It is human regress. Once upon a time human beings were categorically above animals. Now we are descending downward, aspiring to animal status when we choose to be defined by nothing more than our urges and then satisfying them much like an animal does. To be a living, breathing, image-bearer of God is to live in obedience to God's command rather than obedience to the lusts of our flesh (Romans 8:5; Galatians 5:16). When God turned Nebuchadnezzar into a beast it was fitting for a man who was ruled by nothing higher than his desires. It wasn't until he knew "that the Most High rules the kingdom of men and gives it to whom he will” (Daniel 4:32) that he came to his senses akin to humanity. Youngsters need help realizing that their sexual decisions and the way they respond to their sexual impulses is a matter of faith, obedience, and worship unto the living God who calls them to respond to him and trust his wisdom.
Sex Isn’t Sacred:
In Ephesians 5 Paul commands believers not to joke crudely. The implication is that God is holy and his creation is sacred. When Scripture speaks of God’s intended design with sex it always speaks of it with chaste, beauty, and discretion. Even jokes that cheapen sex between husband and wife should be avoided. Sex should always be celebrated in sacredness with appropriation to God’s design between husband and wife. Sexual jokes, watching sexual activity on TV, and fantasizing are all ways that the sacredness of sex can be violated. As your children get older help them understand why you have the standards you do for your family on things like entertainment. Point out that you want them not to view sexual crudeness because it perverts the goodness of God’s creation. When they do witness it engage them about the assumptions shared and promoted by Hollywood so that they can filter it with a biblical worldview.
Additionally, the sacredness of sex bears a lot of implications for why or how a person is told to "wait" until marriage." Unfortunately, the Christian church has relied too heavily on fear and warning to scare youngsters out of having sex. Isn't it better to convince someone to wait for something that is glorious and good than to only warn them and fill them with fear? "Maybe, instead of raising young people to be terrified of sex and the repercussions they'll face if they do mess up, Christian leaders should spend time talking about how amazing it can be when it's within the relationship for which it was intended" (Emily Timbol). The sacredness of sex speaks of the glory of God's design and it is a very useful discipleship tool when the guiding ethic for abstinence has to do with the glorious prize at the end.
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